Just Another Throw Away Child

I sit on my grandma’s back porch looking at the bright sunlight, swinging my feet from the picnic bench as I try not to hear the conversation inside. They keep using the term she is just like her mother. Every time I look at her all I see is her mother. Every time she speaks, all I hear is her mother. Thus somehow I have become just another throw away child. Although I am just thirteen, I have seen more than any girl should. My language is harsh. I threaten to hit people who dart out in front of my grandma’s car. I guess that is what makes me just another throw away child. I have been molested, raped, strangled, beaten and have opened the door to greet my mother’s “john’s”. I kept the other children busy so they could not hear what was going on; could that be why I am just another throw away child? I can still feel my mother’s hands around my neck as she tired so hard to take away my breath. I fought to breathe; I fought to live. I ran; I told; I pleaded; but no one listened. That must be why I am just another throw away child. My mother is drunk all day and night. My father does not know me he has seldom been around. My grandma says she loves me but tries to fix me with things. I can’t be fixed; I guess that is what makes me just another throw away child. My mother threw me out of her home when I was just 12 and told me never to return. She was calm, not angry, nor hitting me like before. She just stood there holding the door. That must be when I became a throw away child. My grandparents took me in for awhile but my grandfather often snuck into my bedroom. I blocked everything out. We must never tell. Is that when I became just another throw away child? I wanted to come live with my grandma and dad but my mother and grandparents told me they did not love me or want me around. They promised me that I would soon learn that all I had was what they offered in their home. Am I really just another throw away child? My grandma and dad promised they wanted me so I came to them and tried so hard; but the hurt is so deep, fear is all I know; and I was so angry. Why had they let all of that happen to me? Did they know I was just another throw away child? They bought me things, took me places; it was a world I could not know. I knew only fear, anger, and tears. I could cuss them out, rant and rave, why, if they loved me, did they not see and say; you are not just another throw away child. I tested them daily, each day worse then the previous. I knew deep down what I was, but they kept saying they loved me and would save me. Did they think the things they bought me would keep me from being just another throw away child? Today they are talking; today it has been decided, to my mother and grandparents I will return. After 2 months they proved what I knew, as everyone had told me before, I am truly just another throw away child. I did not show the fear within me. I stood defiant and glared at both of them. I did not need them for I knew how to survive. If things got bad I could run and live with a friend. For just a little while I would not be just another throw away child. My suitcase is packed, I have told my grandma I hate her, I have told my dad I wanted to go back to my mom and grandparents; please, please dear dad, are you the adult? No for I am just another throw away child. So at 13 I am ready, suitcase packed, something being said about all the bridges here have been burnt, never to be rebuilt for me to return. They are right, I am just another throw away child. No one will see my fear. I am mean; I cuss; I say horrid things. I have done it; I have won. Today I proved to all that I am truly just another throw away child.

Rose Turner
please feel free to email her at
the_turners@verizon.net

© Feb. 2003 All Rights Reserved This article may not be reproduced in whole or part without the express consent of the author. Dedicated to one throw away child I knew, but could not help, and so my demons keep me company while I wonder, where tonight is that throw away child.

A footnote: Today there are 500,000 children in foster homes, because of abuse and neglect. The AARP, states that of their membership, that those who are grandparents state that at least 50% are raising their grandchildren. And sadly to say today, there are 1,500,000 just another throw away child. (Our throw away children, will become statistics, some suicide, some killing their abusers or others, many crossing over to the other side of the juvenile system and into the juvenile jails, but way too many will one day run away from home, knowing they are throw away children, living on the streets even selling their young bodies for food or just some place warm to sleep tonight.

Please as a society, we must say enough is enough, we have to value each one of them, they do not come with anger and mistrust, we show and teach them that, we prove to them every day, that they are truly just another throw away child.